Blogged Out Ma Nut

Emoticoning but with letters.

Gone Girl - Gillian Flynn Short review: Well constructed prurient nonsense.

Long review: one of my frownier ones, couldn’t stop myself from making this face >:(

One time I was on a train and these two women sat beside me and started talking about their day at work, I was locked in at the window and one of them just would not stop talking, I went through everything that happened that day, what she thought of all of her co-workers and which ones she suspected were gay, when she paid her rent, how much her Christmas presents were going to cost and what she bought for every family member, even to one incident where a guy at school used to call her “Jabba” because she was much fatter then and how she was getting her revenge by only giving him a small part of the work to do for the sports association cause she was team leader (“I was like I kinda should be the bigger person? But I like kinda don’t want to?” The koans of everyday life, questions with no answers.)
I cannot describe how stupid I felt after that conversation that she had on me. It was stOOpid with a capital double-O. Also how I felt after Gone Girl.
There are so many instances in life where things become so inexplicably popular by unanimous decision that I am forced to ask if I’m really alive- Les Miz (what is this?!), Queen (what is this?!), Big Bang Theory (w.i.t?!) Breaking Bad… what is this?! I can now add Ms Flynn’s scheiβterpiece to the list, and thank her for making me question my existence again*.
Cheap M. Night Shyamalan twists, artificial grittiness/ word count fulfilment via expletives, irrelevant Americanisms (after the first 50 pages I only read the dialogue because the rambling details were so indulgent,she should have just put this link in), thrown together ending which didn’t reflect all one dimensions of her characterisation at all. Also, why were there so many turn-to-camera moments in the narrative that just went by unexplained? “Now’s the time where I tell you…” Um can you see me? Do you know you’re in a book?
None of this is doing my wee psyche any good, it’s just making me angrier. So I’m not going paintballing, I’m not running a marathon, I will not go with you to Las Vegas, I’m not going to a West End musical, I’m not eating at Yo! Sushi, I’m not playing Call of Duty, I will not see The Hangover 3, I will not read any more Gillian Flynn, because time is limited and even if it wasn’t?

*I’m not saying if you enjoyed Gone Girl (nor am I judging you for doing so) that you like all of these things, but as Jim Gaffigan pointed out, “It’s all McDonalds of the soul”.

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